Your words hit me like bolts of lightning.
Every single one enlightening.
And even though they hurt me deep-
ly; even though they frightened me,
I’m glad of what you’ve made me see,
of all the things that you’ve set free…
You “do not give a single fuck”,
I’m “nothing” to you,
You “don’t care”.
You loved the way that I could suck
but if I left, you’d kick my butt
without a fair…
“Fare well”
I forced my lips pronounce.
Full of shock my heart was poun-
ding hard against my ribs.
The sound of it made me feel sick.
So sick, I wished I’d vomited.
Just to get rid
of all the sick
words you threw at me,
while raging – fit
to join the AA clique.
Misfit.
That’s sadly what you are.
You’re a drug-taker superstar.
And I’m not saying this to judge,
nor out of grudge
or need to smudge
my memories.
No, on top of that
I frankly never tried to stop
you, well aware that that is not
the god-damn way to make you chuck
your habits down the drain…
There’s nothing here that needs explained.
Yeah, honestly, I’m not a Saint
myself.
I have been through this hell.
And so I know there is a spell
that can’t be broken just so well.
Only the owner of the shell
can leave;
Decide to give up grief
and hold on to a new belief;
A hope – and even if it’s brief –
it can be that which makes us free
ourselves.
Of the shell.
… But in the mean time you are stuck.
And you gave me a mean time,
I was out of luck,
when you decided that it was the right time to chuck
six beers down your throat
and starting to act
like that bloke
who’s aggressive and up to no good.
You wanted a fight;
Your thoughts turning crooked;
Your eyes going crossed
and trying to hook
and hold on to my face.
You were creeping me out,
not accepting my space
and exclaiming about
how you were going to fuck
my tiny brains out;
You’d not care if I want to
because it was bound
to happen.
You were talking mysogynist shit, disrespecting
the friendship we built
and the way we’re connecting,
all the things we’d been sharing
and destroying my trust
and my heart that was caring
for you.
…How much you made me feel the blues!
So bad that suddenly I knew
that if I stayed, I’d also lose
my self-respect
because of you.
And so I turned.
And so I grew.
With every step away from you.
I was so sad. And yes, I cried.
But I felt good at the same time.
Because of you I realized
I’m worth much more than what I thought.
I don’t depend on those who lie,
nor anybody else, for sure.
A poem by Pia Petersson
Photography by Pia Petersson
PiaPetePoetry 